And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize