If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize