theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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