My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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