i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
