About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
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She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
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Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
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