I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
