I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
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I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
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And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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