Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
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this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
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The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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