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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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