You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
