i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
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When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
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I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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