so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
