tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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