38 yer olds are good kisserssss
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
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I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
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No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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