Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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