38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
