i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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