Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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