You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
