Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My vagina is officially offended.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
