she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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