Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
