Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
