Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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