giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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