It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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