i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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