If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
