Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
