i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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