Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
