i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
