Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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