We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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