you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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