I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
MIDGETS
????
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
