I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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