i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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