I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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