Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
