I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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