I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
