you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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