This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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