i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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