Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
