i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
