My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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