Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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