Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I think my moral compass just broke
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
