he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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