dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
