none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
