Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
