On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
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He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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