the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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