I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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