I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
