I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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